“Single Mothers and Varieties of Fatherlessness”, a recent blog post by Julie Shapiro, explains the negative connotation in our society with the idea of being “fatherless.” To be fatherless, simply put, is to have no father figure in your life. But Julie explains that for a single mom to raise her child/children without a male figure in their lives, that “fatherless” then takes on a whole new meaning. She describes that “it is as though the unquestioned natural and complete state of a child was to have a father and the child of a single mother is, by definition, lacking something” (Shapiro Paragraph 5).
She argues the standards of a father and the impact on a child. Shapiro claims that both parents are as capable to raise a child, denouncing all allegations that life without a father in unbearable and forever haunts a child’s future. Fathers are portrayed as the caretakers, bringing home the money while mothers can tend to the nest at home. “And the cure we often seek is to assign the single-mother family a man to be the ‘missing’ father. Alternative solutions (good child-care, flexible workplaces, adequate health care, general parental support services) are rarely considered” (Paragraph 3), Shapiro says. An upcoming MSNBC special on children without a father also depicts the situation as something unfortunate. Julie Shapiro earnestly tried to defend the rights of mothers and their decision to raise a child without a father.
I have never viewed single parenting, whether it is a mom or a dad, to be a bad thing. In fact, it was something I had possibly imagined to be a part of my future. But as I read deeper into this blog, I was surprised to see the general reaction to being “fatherless” so cynical. Yes, more challenging, but a bad thing? Never. The stereotypical formats for a mother and father should have been broken by our generation or even the ones before us.
A father can be a stay-at-home-dad as can a mother be "bringing home the bacon." To be a single mom is no sickness. There need be no “cure”, as Shapiro had mentioned. With the adequate attention and supplies needed to raise a child, it should not matter who is doing the raising. Shapiro gave an explanation for this stereotyping, saying “If I say a person is ‘sightless’ we understand that the person lacks a sense which is ordinarily assumed–to be sightless is to be lacking something, to be less. Similarly if I am breathless or witless or sleepless I am defined by that which I am lacking. The norm, the standard, is to have breath and wit and sleep” (Paragraph 6). Though I do not discourage a family with an active husband and wife, they should be no more accepted than a single-parent home. To break down the connotation that to have no father is a curse, we need to break down the basic stereotypes of men and women.
I am a strong believer that men and women are equal. To end the clichés of men and women within a family, we need to go back to the beginning. Destroy all stereotypes, whether they are in a kitchen or with sports. Men can cook and women can play football. Use blue for girls and pink for boys. People need to destroy the fundamentals of gender to restore full equality. This foundation will eliminate any stereotypes that people use to label genders. In the future when men and women must take over a role that could seem unconventional, such as a man cooking dinner, no one will give it a second thought. Starting with a clean slate from the beginning will create a future where single-moms and dads can raise their children free from critical response.
Shapiro, Julie. “Single Mothers and Varieties of Fatherlessness.” Weblog post. Related Topics. 9 Feb. 2009. 10 Feb. 2009 .
